I knew the critical stuff had been discussed so asked to be excused to go find some kind of medicine. Anything to make this pain go away.
I made it to the first chair in the empty waiting room and sat hard. Just four days earlier on Thursday, I was told to take him home and prepare the kids to say goodbye. From the way they talked he wouldn't be around to hear church bells calling to worship. Just a few days they said.
Now five years? Wonderful news but I had kids who needed ready hearts to deal with one of the most difficult things they would probably ever walk through. What was right? Days or years? I needed to know so they could be ready. So I could be ready.
God. My head. It hurts.
Finding over the counter remedies took back seat to being near to Him. I opened my Bible, my security blanket for many months, and began to read. I wasn't looking for anything specific, I just needed to breathe it in. Like smelling salts.
Then I saw it.
They didn't know. God and God alone knew when it was time for him to go home and God and God alone would be faithful enough to have me ready and have my kids ready.
It was one of those cries where you don't plan it, you don't shoulder shake or face grimace. One tear rolls over and slides down and then all of it's friends roll down right behind. Emptying the hurt with each drop. A peaceful cry. A pain lessening cry.
The head pounding quieted as the cheeks were bathed.
I look back and thank Him that the waiting room was reserved for only me. Thank Him for a doctor who gave hope when he knew there was little hope to give. Thank Him that we had just exactly the amount of days we needed to be able to say good bye with relief that he no longer hurt. Rejoicing for him.
Even now, so overwhelmed with His love. So overwhelmed.
Linking up with Sweet Blessings.