Words will Never Hurt Me

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” I remember saying that as a child and even then thinking that it really didn’t make sense. I knew words hurt. I remember sticking my tongue out at someone in fourth grade and the awful feeling I had in my stomach because I knew what I did was wrong and was hurtful. I’m sorry Dena.

Sometimes a person might say something to me about someone else that isn’t very nice. Many times I know the person they are talking about because we’ve visited about life stuff. So when a comment is made I just want to say, “If you only know what their heart is like. What they’ve been through”.

We make so many unfair assumptions about people we really don’t know. Makes my heart hurt. Ephesians 4:29 tells us we are to build each other up to minister grace to the hearers. The word grace there means “joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm, loveliness, goodwill, lovingkindness”.

When is the last time you spoke joy to someone? How about sweetness?

I get so tired of hearing bad things come out of people’s mouths. Or when you walk up they stop talking because they don’t want you to hear what they are saying. Chances are they aren’t speaking grace over someone.

I was cleaning up my inbox in my email the other day and came across an email from Brandi about the power of the tongue. Proverbs 18 says that death and life are in the power of the tongue. We don’t realize how powerful our words are. If we are not speaking life (grace) over a person, we are speaking death. Scares me a little bit. How many times, intentional or unintentional, have I spoken death over someone. It may seem like what I say is not hurtful but sometimes it cuts right to the heart. Whoa.

We always, always, always have to think about being a reflection of Jesus. Philippians 2 tells us that He became a servant. He humbled himself. Having a true sense of humility means you recognize the sense of your littleness.

If we are truly a reflection of our humble Jesus, we will speak life. Speak grace. To our husband, our children, our co-workers, our fellow believers.

Fill the Water Trough

A few weeks back we filled the trough again. A family of three - Jimmy, Shannon and Keira were baptized - and then Hugh. I saw Keira's family the first time when I went to watch Hugh and his brother Landon at the stock show. Her pig was grand champion. The next day they were at church. Her daddy had been doing some talking with God and decided it was time to get back into church and take his family with him. Not long after that they followed his example again and accepted Christ. So sweet to see families walk this together.

Hugh is a young man who started coming to our youth group about a year and a half ago. He and Landon didn't say much, just sat and listened. Very polite - and the first to stand up and help if help was needed. Last fall he and Hannah started talking on the phone and getting to know each other a little better. I could tell they were getting sweet on each other, so one day for lunch the girls, Hugh and I went to Whataburger to eat and visit. I told him about the verse in Proverbs 31 that says, "She will do him good and not harm all the days of her life." I explained to him that there is someone that will be Hannah's husband and someone that will be his wife. Everything they do will either honor or dishonor their future mates. I explained to all of them that their relationship must stay at the level of honor. He is so respectful of us and of Hannah. He takes the responsibility very seriously. If he wants to see Hannah, he sees all three of them. His mom and dad have done an amazing job raising their boys. I'm sure they are at times overwhelmed having three girls around so much.

It was emotional to see Michael baptize him. His desire for the Lord is great. What a blessing to get to watch the growth.

Imperishable Beauty

When we were in west Texas for the wedding, I told Cathy I wanted to buy me some spanx. She had an extra pair so I threw them in my suitcase and took them to Midland. They worked pretty good. For you who don't know, spanx is what the virtuous woman made and sold in verse 24 of Proverbs 31. I don't know if hers went half way down your thighs and all the way up to your armpits - or at least almost, or if they came in skin tone so there would be no obvious clue of your secret, but I do know she sold them. If it was good enough for the virtuous woman, it was good enough for me.

I gave them no thought until last week when I was at Mom's getting ready for my journey to the retreat for some young women from West Texas A&M. I had already dolled up my hair as much as I knew how to doll up, so I pulled the spanx out of the suitcase that had never been unpacked from the previous journey. Word of warning: when you are ready to put them on stand by a bed or couch or something bigger than you - just in case. See, on the inside around the bottom of each leg somebody piped a stream of rubber cement so that when it was in place it would stay there and not ride up to the nearest crevice. Because of that, your foot won't just go in and plant itself on the floor ready for the other foot's trip. It sticks to the rubber cement. It happens so fast that the message doesn't reached your brain before your other leg realizes it is still the only method of support for your whatever-pound body. The reason for the couch or bed. You wouldn't have as far to fall. I wrestled around trying to get my stuck leg out, starting to hyper-ventilate because I'm a tad claustrophic, all the while Prissy the little poodle is barking the bows right out of her ears. I finally get the leg released, sit on the couch and check my carotid pulse until it comes back down to resting rate, and hear in my head "Carol, what are you doing?" I'm about to go teach these young women I Peter 3:4, how our beauty is not to come from outward adornment, but from a meek and quiet spirit, so very valuable to God. This beauty from our hearts that is truly imperishable beauty. I put the spanx back in the suitcase, knowing that those girls were supposed to see all of me the way I am.

I prayed over this retreat for weeks. About two and a half weeks before the retreat God confirmed that I was supposed to go to that scripture. That is all He gave me. That one scripture to fill up about 4 hours of teaching. I looked up the definition for meek and it said "fully trusting in the Lord; not fighting His plan; complete humility". I decided in that first session to share the verse and take them to a couple of other places where Jesus stood up and defended the sinful women who had come to him. I wanted the girls to see WHY we could fully trust, not fight His plan, and be completely humble before Him.

I got to the retreat place, a beautiful Bed and Breakfast on Lake Meridith, about 45 minutes before the group arrived. I unloaded the van and went into the room I would be sharing with Sherri and felt like God was calling me to get on my face before Him. Actually I don't know if He was calling or I was just that desperate to know what to teach. I laid down on this beautiful bear-skin rug and began to pray. I heard something downstairs so I got up to close the door because I knew I wasn't done. As I was heading back to the rug, I felt in my heart that He was wanting me on the hard wood floor. Not the comfortable rug. I hadn't been down there a few seconds until my heart knew what He was doing. The last few weeks He had been teaching me the truest form of meekness. This retreat was not to be my agenda, my plans. It was to be His and His alone. He didn't give me what I was supposed to teach, because He was going to teach. I had to fully trust Him in complete humility to speak to the hearts of these precious girls. And to me.

Those girls didn't come to hear from a former Second Runner Up - Miss Yoakum County (judges didn't consider a pom pom routine "talent"). Hehe. They came to hear from the One Who would be the Lover of their soul, their Comfortor, their Peace, their Daddy, their Defender. We all needed Him. He didn't let us down.

Say No to Crack

In Titus 2, the older women are told to teach the younger women to be sober, and love their husbands and children. They are also to teach them to be discreet and chaste. The definitions for discreet and chaste are "temperate, self-controlled, sacred, pure, pure from carnality, modest, and pure from every fault". We live in a time where modesty and purity are almost unheard of. The girls were talking the other day about when we first came here, how shocked they were when they would see someone's cleavage or backside because of how low the shirts and pants were worn. They said they weren't shocked any more because they have seen it so often, but it does seem to be getting better. Not long after we came there was a lady getting baptized and one of the young ladies standing up there with her had "Up Yours" on the back of her shirt. She also had on some very short shorts. Standing up there for the whole congregation to see. I think it may have caused a few of our women to have a case of the vapors. If we are faithful to teach and not to condemn or criticize, they slowly start changing their ideas of appropriate dress because the Holy Spirit is leading them.

In Ruth 3:3 Ruth was told by her mother-in-law to wash, clothe, and annoint herself and then to go lay at Boaz' feet (her prospective husband). The word for clothe means "doubly clothed". Instead of taking her clothes off to get her man, she actually covered herself with an extra coat! You girls without husbands, know that when you wear provocative clothes, it will take a long time before a guy will know your heart because he will be preoccupied with what your body looks like. Just remember that "perky" eventually loses it's perkiness and "firm" will eventually best describe your mattress rather than your backside. If he falls in love with your heart, then physical things won't matter years later. How sweet is that !?!

For married women, in Proverbs 31:11 it says that the heart of her husband safely trusts in her. Your wardrobe should never be something that would draw another man's eye to your body. Your husband should be confident that the things you say and the things you wear would always bring honor to him. If you ever hear "nice melons" from somone other than your hubby, you better be standing in the produce section of your local grocery store! So to be discreet and chaste, means you must strive to be pure from every fault. You are to be pure in the way you think and pure in the way you dress. If you are striving to honor God you will honor your husband and his heart can safely trust in you. That is really sweet.

I HATE SATAN . . . and clutter

I got off the phone the other day after visiting with someone for quite a while and hearing about how satan has completely deceived someone they love very much. I was in the van and just hit my fist on the steering wheel and screamed "I HATE YOU SATAN!! I hate what you do to the people I love. I hate how you deceive them into thinking they deserve to be coddled by the things of this world. I hate how they believe your stupid lies and how I know you gloat in the fact that, in their failures, others suffer as well: their children, their parents, their husbands or wives, and anyone else who may have watched them when they were walking with the Lord. I HATE YOU! LEAVE THE ONES I LOVE ALONE!!!!!" Do you think he heard me? You bet he did! And so did most of Ennis, Texas. I did realize later that my cheerleading training in 'how to yell' had completely left my mind, because my throat was sore the next day. That screaming came from nowhere near the diaphragm. Because it was hysterical. I'm surprised my eyeballs weren't bloodshot. That's how mad I was. The fact is, I probably need to get that mad more often. Maybe my praying would become more fervent and we would see more victories. I remember talking with a mom once about her daughter and how she had wandered so far from the Lord. She told me that when she got frustrated with her daughter's sin and disobedience, she would go and take a bath and pray for peace. I told her that if a man came in and grabbed her daughter and tried to take her off with him, she would be right in the middle of him and physically do everything she could to make sure she was safe. She would be MAD. Then I told her that this very thing was happening and, though not physically, her daughter was being carried away. She better climb outta that tub, wipe the bubbles off and fight for her precious daughter. Tears streaming down her face, she said "I hope it's not too late." I wanted to weep.

In Proverbs 31:27 it says "She looks well to the ways of her household and eats not the bread of idleness." Your children are gonna hate that you are about to know what this verse means. One of the definitions for "looks well" is "to spy". What? Go through her drawers, check her cell phone? You bet. If you know what is going on in her life, you know how to pray, you know how to train. It is our job as parents to train them up. To help them make right decisions. Let them know that you are on their side. That in teaching them to follow God's rules you are preparing them to stand before Him one day. I can already hear someone say, "I would NEVER infringe on my child's privacy!" I visit with adults now that would give anything to have had parents that cared enough to keep them on the right path. To keep them out of harm's way. We are supposed to help them learn how to be lights in a dark world. Besides, if you go through her drawers, you can clean out all the clothing she hasn't worn in 3 years, but is keeping it for sentimental value. Which brings me to the other thing I hate.

Clutter. I don't make New Year's resolutions anymore because I would just be setting myself up to fail. I've never kept one. It is only natural, though, that at this time of year, one would think about what that resolution would be if there was to be one. Mine would be to get rid of clutter. I'm on a mission to declutter. Not because it is the New Year, mind you, I just hate clutter. It has never made me mad enough to hit the steering wheel, but I have growled before when looking for something in one of the stacks of papers that "I might need one day". According to flylady.net, I not only have house clutter, I also have body clutter. There is nothing about clutter that is good. As a matter of fact, I think it probably fell from the heavens with satan and a third of the angels way back at the beginning of time. I can see them falling now: desk clutter, kitchen cabinet clutter, closet clutter, and drawer clutter. Then there is car clutter, porch clutter, barn clutter and ground clutter (ground clutter?)! All falling from the sky with their little evil laughter ringing through the heavens. Just mocking me.

I was dealing with brain clutter the other day and did something my friend Lauren told me about. She said she has a friend that has what she calls a "brain dump" every once in awhile and writes down all that is in her brain so it is out where she can prioritize and get things done. I did it and it felt really good. Now I have several "Brain Dump" pages in a stack by my bed. I will start tackling the body clutter thing when I find my Total Gym under all the holiday decorations.

Feeding

There is a page in my red Bible that, when my Bible is closed, pokes out a little from the rest of the pages. I can actually pull it out because it is no longer attached. It is Proverbs 31. I'm no expert on this passage, but I've studied it so much and seen so many little treasures in there, you wouldn't believe. At least they are treasures to me. In this particular section, a mom is telling her son what kind of wife he needs to look for. In this, we can see what kind of wife/mom we need to try to be and what kind of wife/mom to pray our daughters will be and our sons will marry.

This morning I was kind of thinking back on the last week and felt a whole range of emotion, from anger to complete compassion, when the various mothers I either saw or heard about came to mind. Then when I went to the Word, I pulled out my "page" and, once again, read over these words I love so much. In verse 15 it says that she rises while it is yet night and gives food to her household and a portion to her maidens. In just taking this for what is says, you know that this mom takes care of the physical needs of her family and if she has any servants, she feeds them as well. If you look up the word for meat, one of the meanings is "strong meat" which is referring to something spiritual instead of physical. So she not only takes care of physical needs, but she is the place they get what they need to grow spiritually. They learn how to hear the Lord and be obedient to His will in their lives. If you back up a verse and see that she is like a merchant ship and seeks her food from afar. The word for food there is "lechem" or "bread" or "shewbread". So what she is doing is feeding bread and meat. Hang with me here as I go one step further. The word "shewbread" means "bread of Presence" or "bread of Face" and was used in the temple to basically represent the face of Jesus. Did you notice the capitalization? She's giving her kids Jesus. Between the meat and the bread, their little tummies are full, but so are their hearts.

One lady was telling me last week about her husband's grandmother who is near death. As she was telling me different things about her, she started weeping and said that this dear woman was the first woman to ever pull her to her chest and stroke her hair. When she was in her mid-forties. She said she had always felt like there was an empty part of her that needed to be filled by a mother stoking her hair. Last week I heard about a mother who didn't hug or touch her daughter. Another mother who would turn a deaf ear to what was going in her young daughter's room with some man she brought home from the bar. Step-mothers and foster mothers who have not treated their children as the gifts they are. The reason I know these stories are true is because I'm seeing the effects it is having on their grown children now.

In verse 28 it says that her children rise up and call her blessed. If a mom is going to be called blesssed later on, she's going to have to feed her children right now. Pray for them whether they live with you or not. If they do live with you, teach them things that are God. Be the face of Jesus to them. Stroke their hair.