Thursday, August 28, 2008

Drug of Choice

A couple of weeks back I went into a Kohl's and kind of shopped around. I tried on some things thinking I might get something new for my neice's wedding. The size I think I am is not the size I am. I'm sure as I was leaving the store incoming customers probably thought I had just received a phone call informing me of the death of a relative. I was DEPRESSED. I headed out the door to the first clean convenience store I could find, went straight to the candy aisle and found the Reece's Cups. I picked one up, feeling the glands in the back of my throat switching on the party lights and my uvula (the little hangy down thing) begin it's rotation like a disco ball. The party was about to begin.

It was then I remembered a quote I once read from Miss Piggy: "Never eat more than you can lift". I heard the music getting louder as I placed that sweet candy back on the shelf and reached for the King Size Reece's Cup. It didn't weight much more than the small one. I was trying not to smile, but for the life of me, the corners of my mouth kept going up. I quickly checked out and ran to my van before I ran into anyone I might know. I ate that cup. I mean I ate those four cups. There wasn't even any left on the bottom of the paper. It was all gone. Quick fix. Instant gratification. Guilt.

I drove awhile and came into Corsicana. I knew I was going to pass a Braum's and began talking myself out of a hot fudge sundae. I was so proud of myself as I passed right by and turned into Sonic and got me a drink. As I was leaving Sonic, I found myself to be in a delimma. I often plan my trips to town like UPS does. I try to make as many right turns and as few left turns as possible. I needed to turn left to get home but wanted to stay true to the UPS, so I turned right. Then I turned right again right into the Braum's drive through. I ate the ice cream with extra chocolate and then left to come home. Quick fix. Instant gratification. Guilt.

Funny how it didn't bother me to turn left leaving Braum's to get home. I'm not saying that UPS is from hell (place, not cuss word) or anything, but for some reason coming from Kohl's I picture a little squad of demons on my shoulder shouting "Give me a "C", give me an "H", give me an "O", give me another "C" and on and on until by the end of their little chant we all had one fist up in the air shouting "CHOCOLATE!!!" Then leaving Sonic they were chanting "To the right, to the right, to the right, (clap,clap). Silly, weak, me. Giving into the flesh. Needless to say, I didn't feel so good about myself by the time I walked in my front door.

I love the fact that on this journey to a greater holiness, even when we fall down, Jesus is so quick to help us up with so much grace. He wants to help us with EVERYTHING. I've had times in my life when I felt alone and asked Him to be the Lover of my soul. He obliged. There were no big hairy arms at the time to comfort me, but I was able to fall asleep in peace because I felt as if I was being held. Why do I forget those things? I know that when I crave chocolate, my drug of choice when I'm depressed, all I have to do is call out to the One Who tells me to open my mouth wide and He will fill it. He is the One the Word talks about when it says "Oh taste and see that the Lord is GOOD!"

Oh Sweet Jesus, I know that you are all I need. I get so mad at myself when I choose not to remember that. Thank You, thank You, thank You that You continue to be there when I get weak, and again when I blame someone else for my weakness. (Sorry, UPS). Thank You for the strength given to me daily for my taking. You bless me.

3 thoughts:

Sue said...

Dear One, I know what you feeling except mine is Blue Bell Ice Cream. I listened to a song on the way to work called "Hold Me
While I Cry". I cried, He held.
Isn't it amazing how He is always near when we need Him most?
I love you, Mom

Kayla said...

You're my favorite.

Jess is my name said...

Amen, sister! :)