I Need to Throw Up

I need to throw up so I can get my work done 

so many things going on in my head like yesterday 

when I saw sweet pictures of new baby and family rejoicing 

then getting the call to go to the hospital and walked into a room of grief 

because mommy pushed out death instead of life 

and trying to make miracles out of photos that can bring comfort to hurting hearts

 and then today when I found out I scheduled two events at the same time

 at the same place wondering who would not be happy 

that we shared the big room in the house we worship in on Sunday 

walking back and forth between gifts piled up for nearly-weds 

to gifts piled up for quarter-century-weds 

then cooking for kids to eat before they hear from a heart that now only wants God

 and wondering if my kids only want God and pray they only want God 

that they have a passion for the heart of God 

and then read an email about getting a pink and green crown

 that unplugged the tear pipes to overflowing 

then coming home to laundry and grocery lists and to do lists 

swimming around in my head because they haven't found their way to paper yet

 and as much as I need to do before I close my eyes 

I feel like I need to throw it all up so 

I. 

can. 

breathe.