I woke up about 3:00am the other night and, for the life of me, couldn't go back to sleep. I prayed for everyone I knew, their puppies and goldfish, and before I realized what was happening, I was "remembering". Remembering times of complete disobedience to the Lord.
Don't know how I got there. To that pit of unworthiness. Or should I say, to the pit of feeling the unworthiness. As tears rolled to my pillow, I couldn't imagine why He chose me. Why He keeps choosing me. I'm sure there are a lot of purer vessels out there. Ones who never really messed up much.
There is a scripture in Micah 7 that says "He will again have compassion on us; He will tread our iniquities underfoot. He will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea." It never calls it the sea of forgetfulness, although I've heard it called that many times, but in Isaiah 43 the word says, "I, even, I, am the One Who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins."
I like to think of it as the sea of forgetfulness.
Not sure why I decided to take a dip that night, swimming where I don't have to swim. He remembers those things no more - why do I go diving to the point of feeling so unworthy for use?
Thank You, Jesus, for choosing to use someone even like me. A girl who deserves nothing of Your grace and mercy. I like to call myself a girl. Okay, that was random. You know how my brain works. I'm so thankful You know me. You know me, and yet, still choose to use me. I'm so amazed by You.