Monday, June 28, 2010

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

A couple of weeks ago Michael got up early one morning and when he came back to bed I asked if there was anything wrong. He said no, pulled me close and went back to sleep. That night after we got into bed he told me about a dream he had that morning.

He dreamt he had died and came back to tell me that he missed me and for me to give a message to the church. In the dream he told me to write a message on a board at the front of the church that said "I love you". He wanted them to know how much he loved them.

It kind of surprised him that he wanted them to know he loved them, because at every funeral he tells the family that if their loved one could tell them anything it would be that "It is real". Whether they are with Jesus or not, they would want them to know it matters how they live and if they have trusted Jesus.

I was listening to him tell about the dream and was hesitant to tell him the one I had two nights before. In mine, our kids were walking in front of a stadium that was packed full of people. They were walking between the stadium and a fence. It was dark all around but I could see all the people crowded in as the kids were walking in a line from oldest to youngest. They were all crying and I was looking down on them. Adam was crying and said "But we're not supposed to be the daddy to these girls". It wasn't that he didn't want to do it, it was that Michael was still supposed to be here.

When I woke up from mine my chest felt heavy because I had been crying in my sleep and felt the heaviness for awhile afterward.

After we both shared our stuff we held each other tighter than ever. We feel so connected in life and in ministry that it is tough to think about doing it without the other. My prayer is that Jesus comes back and we get to go at the same time. Us and all our kids. That way we don't have to grieve over the loss of someone we love so much.

The good thing about dreams like that is that it makes you appreciate what you have. Who you have.

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