I Want to Want to

This morning as I was driving home from the Farmer's Market with a bag full of fresh tomatoes, I was praying out loud so He could hear me better and I heard 
"I want to want You more".

It came out of my mouth without any planning.

One of those prayers that comes out of nowhere.  Well, on second thought, not out of nowhere.

When you feel all used up and worn out it's easy to stop wanting anything but to sit in a big comfy chair with a diet coke and a Hallmark movie.

The other day I knew I was at that place when I walked through the living room only to catch the last of the Princess Diaries 2 and saw Mia about to be crowned Queen of Genovia. . .

. . . and I cried.

Pathetic, I know.  But it happened.  

Since that time, the desire for a greater godliness, a sincere holiness, has been getting stronger and stronger.

Psalm 42:1 says: As the deer pants for the water, so my soul longs for You, my God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

I want it.

More than that - I want to want it more.

I want to want Him more.

It was a prayer from His heart to my heart and back to His.

I love when He does that.

They Say it Comes in Threes

I'm not sure who they are but I remember it from being in church all my life.  It seems as if when one person dies, two others follow suit shortly thereafter.  It's an unexplained rule.

I thought about that Monday last when I was driving to Duncanville to meet Michael for a service he was doing to remember a 27 year old mom of three and got a call that one of our dear men was on his way to the ER with a heart attack.  Oh no.  I didn't want the rule of threes to hit our family again.

Thankfully, he came home the next day and showed up to help with Bible School that night.  Whew, that was close.

Tuesday night I got a call that there was a young family expecting a baby who found out there was no heartbeat.  Wanted to know if I could do pictures for them as they said goodbye before they ever got to say hello.  It was one of the hardest, most beautiful things I've ever been a part of.  Little angel, oh, so precious.

Saturday we get a call that one of our men was on his way home to surprise his family after being away for over two years.  He had been in different care facilities after an accident and was going to surprise his sweet wife and daughter.  His wife was getting settled at home after a surgery when the local hospital called to say her husband was there.  He didn't make it.

So I guess they were right.

Where is the comfort in that week of grief?  Everywhere.

There are many kids I know that have no idea where their mommies are.  Because mommies have decided they would be happier somewhere else.  With someone else.

There are three little ones this week who know exactly where their mommy is.  There is a teenage girl who knows where her dad is, no longer in a wheelchair.  A wife who knows where her husband is and a mommy and daddy who know that their precious baby is in the arms of Jesus.

And better than knowing where they are is knowing that they will ALL see them again!

So much sweetness.

So much comfort.

Comfort in the knowledge of the reality of heaven.  Comfort in the arms of those around them, praying for them, holding them.

Comfort in the remembering.  Some remembering years of life together, some remembering only hours.

I believe three is the number of God.  

He is the Three in One.

 * Our Father.  The creator of the universe.  

All that ever was and is was created by Him.

 * His Son.  The only way to the Father.  John 14 says that 

Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life.  

No one gets to the Father,

 but through
Him.

  * Holy Spirit.  Our messenger to the throne, whether we 

speak it, sigh it, or weep it.

This past week was a roller coaster of emotion.  The grief over lives lost and the joy of kids running all over the church every night and ending their evenings
 with their little hands raised in praise to the
Three in One.

Working on family pictures like no other, having to get up every once in awhile for a break to cook for the 100+ hungry tummies that would walk through the doors later that day.  Cooking while crying and breathing and praying over for the ones in the photo.

And then, hands in air, praising Him myself, for the number Three, because no matter how it comes or what it brings, there is growth. And so much Comfort.

Giving Thanks With the Multitudes

Today I'm joining with lots of other grateful hearts in giving thanks:

# 122 His hand holding mine in life and ministry.

#123 Tired but happy kitchen hands who fed over 100 faces four nights in a row.

#124 Mr. Bennie, who got wet because he knew he needed to, not because someone wanted him to.

#125 Don - self-proclaimed Servant of God who's walk far outweighs his talk.

#126 Spiritual dad when there is no physical dad in the life of a boy. Thank You, Jesus.

#127 Hands, little and big, raised in praise.

#128 Like hands - like hearts. I love her.

A Room Full of Wanted

Last March I was blessed to spend a weekend with several Red Raider girls in the mountains of New Mexico. The time was completely sweet. There was something Marla said, though, that has stuck with me these last several months. She told of how sometimes she wakes up in the mornings to be mommy to her three little ones not feeling so joyful, or beautiful, or worthy. She went on to say how she would sing God's truths over herself because His truth was truth, whether she felt it or not.

That has stuck with me.

Last Thursday night, after a very busy, very trying week, I climbed into our big recliner and called the thirteen girls at our house in for a time of quiet before they began drinking their sodas and Red Bulls in order to stay up all night.

Honestly, I was so physically and emotionally exhausted from the first three days of the week, that I almost called the "girls' night" off. Oh, thank You God, that my selfishness didn't win out this time.

I asked the girls to share some things they believed about themselves.

"I'm ugly."

"I'm not worthy of friends who care."

On and on they went, spewing out these things that were lies from the enemy.

Then I had them speak Truth about themselves. It was difficult for them.

One precious girl, in a wad laying at the side of my chair began to weep. I knew what was going on in her life and reached over and held on to her leg and said, "You are wanted!"

Wanted.

By the Most High.

He doesn't ignore our calling out to Him. As a matter of fact, Psalm 116:2 says that He inclines His ear to hear us. He bends over to catch every whisper directed His way.

Be still my heart.

I looked around at the beauty in that room. The hearts that wanted to be wanted. To be chosen.

Help them get it Lord. Help them understand that only You can fill that God-sized hole that is yearning to be loved. To be beautiful and to be chosen. To be wanted.

Only You.

Just a Couple

Thought I'd post a couple of pictures of our Arkansas trip with the youth of our church. It was such a "God week" for all of us who went. Michael and Hannah led worship and I was the camp cook. Such a sweet time.

It has been a summer of spiritual growth for the girls and such a precious thing for Michael and I to watch. I'll talk more about it in a few weeks after we get their "Three Girls Sixteen" photos done.

So, so blessed.

No Weapons

Sometimes I think we don’t realize how at one moment we are doing the right thing – encouraging (putting courage in to), building up, and inspiring; the next moment our words are used to discourage (take courage out of), tear down, and belittle.

We are . . .

. . . quick to criticize,

. . . quick to slander,

. . . quick to judge.

Weapon words are flung without first bringing every thought captive to the throne of God.

Weapon words are hurled without thinking about what it does to the heart of the hearer.

Isaiah 45:17 tells us that no weapon formed against us will prosper. The other morning after hearing of weapon words launched against some people I love, and losing a couple of hours of sleep over it, I began praying that no weapons formed against this part of the body would prosper.

We are so quick to shoot our own.

We cut ourselves and watch ourselves bleed.

We sometimes amputate parts of our own body.

SHAME. ON. US.

I Peter 3:8-9 says that we are to have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Then it says “Do NOT repay evil for evil, or insult for insult; we are to BLESS others, for to this we are called, so that we may obtain a blessing.

I could give you the definition of every word, but I’m only going to give one.

The (Greek) definition for NOT is this:

NO (not surprising)*

NOT (obviously)*

GOD FORBID (are you kidding me??)*

GOD FORBID that we should insult, that we should use weapon words or

weapon looks (ah-oh) against our brothers and sisters.

GOD FORBID.

His words, not mine.

Father, my heart hurts for those at the target end of weapons fired. But it also hurts for those who shoot because they have hurts of their own. We all hurt. Thank you that when I started calling names out to You for You to bless, You were quick to calm my heart. Quick to give me peace. To let me go back to sleep. I love that about You. Let me be eager to love, eager to encourage, eager to bless. I pray that no weapon formed against this body will prosper. Thank You for the work You are doing in spite of us. You never stop amazing me with the way You work.

I’m so very blessed.

* my own thoughts of each definition