As For Me and My House

In an interview on national TV a former child star asked why he turned his back on a promising career to be a preacher.  His answer was that he never turned his back on anything, but that he just walked toward what he loved.  Who he loved.

We say we want to raise our children to love the Lord, but then don't always choose to walk toward Him.

The direction we walk points them in the way of their own journey.  They notice if we step off even for a little while.

It hurts them.  Sometimes they don't even know it hurts them until much later when they are stepping off, wondering why it is so difficult to stay on the right path.

We point them in the direction of love or hate, of believing or unbelieving, of heaven or hell. We teach them to trust or to question, to show gratitude or ungratefulness all by the way we cast our eyes.

This morning in Michael's office the girls and I practiced a song with him to sing at the end of the service.  As we were singing, I watched Eli sitting on the couch singing every word with us.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

We will serve the Lord.

Oh Father, I don't want to be guilty of walking away from you.  Even for a little while.  Not only for my sake, but for the sake of my children and my precious grand babies.  My eyes are on You, seeking You, loving You.  I know there are "kids" I love who are not seeking You - draw them to You.  Oh please draw them to You.  Thank You for loving me so much.

Like a Ravioli

"We call him the Grandaddy", the neighbor man told me, speaking of the huge pecan tree at the edge of our sweet little homestead.  It was love at first sight for me, because I left Oklahoma with lots of trees and my kids, so if I couldn't be close to the kids at least give me some trees.  

It's not a place you go.  It's a place you enter.  With limbs bowing to earth, it's like entering a room.  A holy place.  I feel different when I'm in there.

 Hemmed in.

Even the hanging metal swing/chair my sweet hubby gave me wraps around me like a cocoon.  A metal prayer shawl, if you will.

Psalms 134 : 5-6  You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain it.

I've felt very loved on by the Lord the last week or so.  Over and over He has reminded me of His protection and love.  Of being hemmed in.  I'm so amazed by Him.

Over and over He has reminded.  Kneeling at prayer place with blanket over my head, He reminded me.  Hemmed.

Ravioli on the cover of a magazine makes my face smile.
Just like that !
Just like ravioli !
Tucked in and sealed in, safe and sound.  Pinched around the edges.  Hemmed.

Michael reaching over to tuck sheet in all down behind me so I have plenty of covering.  Tucked.  Hemmed.

Giving shoulder and wrapping arms around grieving grandma after holding the little one for the last time.   Praying she felt the comfort of the Comforter.  Hemmed in by Him.

Momma hen crawling on quilt nest, moving babies-not-done around to cook on the other side, then sitting full down. Hemming them in.  Sweet protection.

Not only does He hem me in, it says also that He lays His hand upon me.  

When my babies were little, after I rocked them to sleep, I would lay them down and put my hand gently on the side of their little face to comfort them until they were resting deeply.  Feeling safe.  Feeling hemmed outside the womb by their momma.

He loves me like that.  He keeps showing me over and over.

Because Monday had an interruption not expected and because Tuesday had a stomach bug not expected, I'm just now posting my list of thanks.

. . . Grandaddy tree

. . . boys' voices on the phone

. . . hope in voice

. . . letter of blessing from someone I love

. . .  reminders of love from Him

. . . clean bedroom

. . . clean laundry room

. . . seeing girl I miss

. . . talking to girl I really miss

. . . cocoon chair/swing

. . . prayer places

Pour It Out

A couple of weeks back when we were looking at the life of Samuel, it started with his mom in the temple praying for a baby.  In I Samuel 1:15 she was accused of being drunk by the priest because he couldn't understand her.

She quickly told him that she wasn't drunk but that she was "pouring her heart out before the Lord".  I have thought of that so many times in the last weeks.  What does that mean exactly?

Oh, I have desperately prayed for things on many occasions.  For the physical healing of those I loved and many I didn't even know.   For spiritual healing.   For marriages.   For wayward children.  For the protection of my children and others who could be in harm's way.

Desperately.

But have I really poured my heart out before the Lord?  

I looked up the Hebrew word for "poured".  Don't you cringe a little when I do that?  Seems to always put a different slant to a word.  Sometimes it is a slant that makes things a little uncomfortable.

This definition doesn't disappoint.

        Poured:  1) to pour, pour out, spill

       2) to shed (blood)

                     3) to pour out (anger or heart) 

When I come to the Lord, desperate in heart, fearful in heart, I must come to Him willing to pour it out - to shed the blood. 

 Ready to die to myself, my desires, my fears, my desperations.

Desiring Him more than I desire the answer to my 

prayer.

Oh my.  

Most of the time all I can see is the answer I want.  The answer I think I need.  

All He wants is for me to want more of Him.

Giving thanks today.

In Hobby Lobby last week Rachel and I found a wrought iron BLESSINGS wall hanging that I knew I had to have.  Especially because it was on sale.  I've been wanting something for a space on the wall that has been blank because I hadn't found the perfect thing to hang.

Found it.

Love it.

A constant reminder of the things God has done for us.  So many blessings.  So much to be thankful for:

   . . . flags blowing a different direction

   . . . Sam's heart that wants God to use his injury for His glory

   . . . piano

   . . . Keith's numbers back closer to normal

   . . . music that speaks to my heart

   . . . screen doors

   . . . breeze blowing from front door to back

   . . . calls every night from Hannah while she is away.

BLESSINGS.

 

I Want to Want to

This morning as I was driving home from the Farmer's Market with a bag full of fresh tomatoes, I was praying out loud so He could hear me better and I heard 
"I want to want You more".

It came out of my mouth without any planning.

One of those prayers that comes out of nowhere.  Well, on second thought, not out of nowhere.

When you feel all used up and worn out it's easy to stop wanting anything but to sit in a big comfy chair with a diet coke and a Hallmark movie.

The other day I knew I was at that place when I walked through the living room only to catch the last of the Princess Diaries 2 and saw Mia about to be crowned Queen of Genovia. . .

. . . and I cried.

Pathetic, I know.  But it happened.  

Since that time, the desire for a greater godliness, a sincere holiness, has been getting stronger and stronger.

Psalm 42:1 says: As the deer pants for the water, so my soul longs for You, my God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

I want it.

More than that - I want to want it more.

I want to want Him more.

It was a prayer from His heart to my heart and back to His.

I love when He does that.

They Missed Him

The sermon was so good yesterday. Michael preached from Matthew 2, as I'm sure many pastors did. Oh, it was good. It's recorded on our church website www.cowboychurchofennis.com under Inspirations.

Jesus had been born in Bethlehem and the wise men were searching for Him. They came asking where the king was born. Old King Herod pulled in the chief priests and scribes - the part of the Jewish race who knew all the prophecies - and they told those wise old men their king was to be born in Bethlehem. They knew it because they read Micah 5:2 - King James Version. Or maybe just some old scrolls, I don't know.

Just a few miles away, their King was toddling around the house.

Even old King Herod believed it to be true. He believed so much he had all the baby boys killed so another king wouldn't live to take his place.

Yet these scholars, these men of the law, MISSED Him. I can't believe they missed Him.

Even now, as I am typing, I'm listening to my Christmas music. Oh Come All Ye Faithful is playing. The other day I was driving home and this song came on and I just felt overwhelmed by the magnificence of Jesus. The invitation to come and adore Him I took seriously. Very seriously. I don't always do that. Parked in my dirt driveway, my head on the steering wheel of the tootsie roll truck, I adored Him. I wept over His graciousness in my life.

Sometimes, just like those religious men of the day I get caught up in the busyness of being religious. I hate it when I do that. I don't want to miss times of worship, wherever they are, because I'm busy getting ready for the next event of ministry. I don't want to miss times when He needs me to be still and listen to Him. And I don't want to miss times of soaking in His amazingness.

I just flat don't want to miss Him.

More Daddy

I think it is pretty amazing how parents are teaching their babies sign language before they can speak. When our kids were babies, we had to guess at what the "point and grunt" meant. At Christmas, Eli showed us often how he could sign "food, more, milk, Mommy, and Daddy". One time after he woke up he walked into the kitchen and signed every word he knew, and did it pretty quickly. He was REALLY HUNGRY! I fully expected him to cross himself as if asking for it in Jesus' name, just so he knew his needs would be met! I was talking with Kyle a couple of weeks ago and he was telling me how he is getting to keep Eli two days a week when he is off. He is spending more time with him than before. They like each other pretty much. He told me that when he doesn't have him, Eli will sign "more" and "daddy". I might have misunderstood what he was telling me, but when we finished our conversation, I kept thinking about "more daddy". I thought of how it probably makes God feel when we tell Him we need or want more of Him.

Some days when I get the empty feeling inside I feel like I need to fill it up with something. I think I would feel better if I just had:

some time to myself

some chocolate; preferably supported by two scoops of Braum's Creamy Vanilla, topped with roasted pecans and a
couple of cherries singing the Hallalujah Chorus as loud as their little cherry mouths will sing

some more grandbabies (hint, hint)

my house cleaned up

my new chicken pen built, or

my garden plowed.

In reality, all I need is more Daddy, more Abba Father, more Jesus - Lover of my very needy soul. Sometimes when I wake up in the wee hours of the morning, I pray for all I know to pray for then beg the Lord for a little more shut-eye. I was thinking about that today while I was driving and realized that He CHOSE to wake ME up to spend time with me. He loves me so much. In Isaiah 50 it says "Morning by morning he awakens; he awakens my ear to hear as those who are taught. The Lord God has opened my ear and I was not rebellious: I turned not backward." In other words, whenever He wakes me up I don't roll over, pull the pillow over my head, and desperately pray for more sleep. He CHOSE ME to visit with. Out of everybody else. ME. I need Him. Oh, how I need Him.

If you are trying to fill up that spot with people, alcohol, drugs, things, or calendar events, it won't get filled. We were born with a void inside that could only be filled by something greater than what we can control. It has to be Jesus.

Fill me up with You today, Jesus. Up and overflowing. I need more Daddy.