Far Be It From Me

“Far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by ceasing to pray for you.”

Samuel the prophet/priest/judge said these words to the people of Isreal after they begged God for a king and He gave them what they wanted.  These people wanted a king because “everyone else was doing it”.

They were a whiney group.  Begging for something they didn’t need.  They didn’t trust their God Whom had delivered them from their enemies countless times before.  They thought their plan was better.

Just like the rest of us.

I personally am extremely grateful God didn’t answer some of my whiney prayers.  Like the one in Jr. High when I pleaded to be the wife of David Cassidy when I got big.  Extremely.  Grateful.

I don’t want to be found guilty of the sin of prayerlessness.   I also don’t want to be found guilty of dominating my prayer time with whiney, selfish prayers.  I want to be found faithful of bringing things to the Lord that really matter.  That are life changing for people.

This morning I woke up very early with a heavy, heavy heart.  A heart hurting over people hurting.

     * A 7 year old boy in the hospital diagnosed with depression because his parents decided they would rather chase after their own happiness than keep their family together.

     * A couple who grieves a death.  The death of their precious little one who came into this world with no life breath.

     * Couples who grieve a death.  Not one death, but a new one every month when the womb weeps red.

      * A young lady burying her fiancé today because he chose not to live in this world any more.  Family all questioning what they could have done.

     * A family hurting over actions and decisions of children.  Trying to find peace.

     * A young woman missing a daddy gone too soon.

Such a heavy heart over heavy things.  Then I remembered something else Samuel said.

“Now, stand still and see this great thing the Lord will do before your eyes.”

So,         

We pray.

We wait.

We watch.

Most of all we trust.  Trust that the Jehovah God cares when our heart is heavy.  Trust that He will give us what we need to walk through the things we have to walk through.

Please, oh please, don't stop praying.

Or trusting.

They Say it Comes in Threes

I'm not sure who they are but I remember it from being in church all my life.  It seems as if when one person dies, two others follow suit shortly thereafter.  It's an unexplained rule.

I thought about that Monday last when I was driving to Duncanville to meet Michael for a service he was doing to remember a 27 year old mom of three and got a call that one of our dear men was on his way to the ER with a heart attack.  Oh no.  I didn't want the rule of threes to hit our family again.

Thankfully, he came home the next day and showed up to help with Bible School that night.  Whew, that was close.

Tuesday night I got a call that there was a young family expecting a baby who found out there was no heartbeat.  Wanted to know if I could do pictures for them as they said goodbye before they ever got to say hello.  It was one of the hardest, most beautiful things I've ever been a part of.  Little angel, oh, so precious.

Saturday we get a call that one of our men was on his way home to surprise his family after being away for over two years.  He had been in different care facilities after an accident and was going to surprise his sweet wife and daughter.  His wife was getting settled at home after a surgery when the local hospital called to say her husband was there.  He didn't make it.

So I guess they were right.

Where is the comfort in that week of grief?  Everywhere.

There are many kids I know that have no idea where their mommies are.  Because mommies have decided they would be happier somewhere else.  With someone else.

There are three little ones this week who know exactly where their mommy is.  There is a teenage girl who knows where her dad is, no longer in a wheelchair.  A wife who knows where her husband is and a mommy and daddy who know that their precious baby is in the arms of Jesus.

And better than knowing where they are is knowing that they will ALL see them again!

So much sweetness.

So much comfort.

Comfort in the knowledge of the reality of heaven.  Comfort in the arms of those around them, praying for them, holding them.

Comfort in the remembering.  Some remembering years of life together, some remembering only hours.

I believe three is the number of God.  

He is the Three in One.

 * Our Father.  The creator of the universe.  

All that ever was and is was created by Him.

 * His Son.  The only way to the Father.  John 14 says that 

Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life.  

No one gets to the Father,

 but through
Him.

  * Holy Spirit.  Our messenger to the throne, whether we 

speak it, sigh it, or weep it.

This past week was a roller coaster of emotion.  The grief over lives lost and the joy of kids running all over the church every night and ending their evenings
 with their little hands raised in praise to the
Three in One.

Working on family pictures like no other, having to get up every once in awhile for a break to cook for the 100+ hungry tummies that would walk through the doors later that day.  Cooking while crying and breathing and praying over for the ones in the photo.

And then, hands in air, praising Him myself, for the number Three, because no matter how it comes or what it brings, there is growth. And so much Comfort.

Watering Trees

Today I went to the church for a few minutes and noticed our Oleander trees needed water. The garden hose wasn't in front because men were using it in the back moving fence to give us more parking. So, since I was there I decided to go out and water the pecan trees by the arena that we planted in memory of loved ones.

I climbed the fence and started pulling the hose down to the end of the fence line. There was mud all over the hose, but I noticed that it smelled a lot worse than mud. As I was walking back to turn on the water I found out why. I had pulled the whole hose through a freshly laid cow pattie. I started to say freshly squeezed but that didn't sound very lady-like. It's safe to say that the hose wiped out most of that fertilizer mound.

So then I began to soak the trees. I bent over to wash all the mud off my shoe and raised up to see 20 something cows/steers/bulls (not real sure what they are so I'm covering all bases) staring at me through the fence. They had horns. I screamed a little.

Finishing one side and headed for the other, I was stopped in my tracks. Turned around and a big red cow/bull/steer was standing on my manure rough hose. Right on it. "Shoo!" didn't work. It just stared at me. I threatened with words that included "ground" and "round". Still stared. Reminded me a little of being a mom. The water hose became my weapon. They eventually left so I could finish up the job I had started.

The trees are beginning to bud, for which I am so grateful. The sign of life on something that represents a life no more.

I remember planting the first tree with the daddy of the man the tree was to represent. We dug, watered, planted and covered this small tree. He helped me with several others and as I was putting up hose, I noticed him leaning on his shovel, tears in his eyes, looking at this tree.

There was nothing he could do to keep his son from escaping the grips of cancer, but he was going to do everything he could to keep this tree alive in that boy's honor.

That shovel bearing the weight of a dad and his grief.

They are brothers, sons, daughters, and husbands. Eight trees now doing more than growing and giving us shade and fruit.
Eight trees set as a reminder of lives lived.

So we will water. To see life.
.

'Tis the Season

The other day I remembered the first Christmas I had the kids buy a gift for each other. We lived in Houston. Kayla had just turned five and had forever been asking for a 64 pack of crayons. I thought the other hundred or so crayons we had, although broken and paperless, would suffice because they still colored the same.

That year I took each kid by themselves to go shopping for their siblings. Adam went knowing exactly what he wanted to get Kyle and Kayla, and even if we saw something else later, he never changed his mind. I was trying to remember it right and I'm pretty sure Kyle got Kayla a Miss Piggy toothbrush.

When it came time to open presents that year, the whole atmosphere was different than years before. Instead of running to open their own, they couldn't wait to see the reactions of the ones they bought for.

When Kayla opened up her Miss Piggy toothbrush from Kyle and her 64 pack of crayons from Adam, she jumped up to hug her brothers. I'll never ever forget looking at the boys and seeing them smile. I'll never ever ever forget seeing the tears in Adam's eyes.

Oh, the joy of giving.

There is so much I wish I could give. When you are buying for eleven kids, you have to stretch things well. We just have so much dad gum fun when we are all home, though, that the gifts don't matter so much.

There are some things I couldn't buy but if there was any way possible, I would make happen. I wish I could give Sharon, Janet, Deanne, Ms. Alice, Debbie, Cathey, Myrna, Loma and Aunt Nancy their children back. Some are going through their first Christmas without them, some have survived several. I would give Genevieve her sweet Tony back and Bennie his beloved brother Don. I'd give sisters their brothers back and brothers, their sisters. As I'm typing we just got news that another wife will be burying her husband on Saturday and the Cowboy Church of Mabank will be mourning the loss of their pastor along with her.

I would give several of our unemployed a job. I would give several children their parents back under the same roof. I would give some of the couples I love so much a loving, faithful marriage. I would give the lonely a mate. Or a dog, whichever they prefer. I would bring the soldiers home.

I would give empty arms - a baby.

I'm not supposed to do these things. There is a greater purpose we cannot see with these old human eyes. Natalie Grant sings a song called "Held". Part of it goes like this:

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise is that when everything fell
We'd be held.

The promise is not that we won't go through tough times or be given everything our hearts desire; the promise is that we will be held when we do. Held by Hands that will make it all beautiful at some point.

What a gift!

Thank you Father that I can trust You. You are the Giver of good gifts. Thank you for Your hands that hold us when hearts are hurting. Help us recognize how You love us. I'm so grateful for all You have done for me. Thank you for Jesus. Thank you that we get to serve You. And thank You that I haven't heard Christmas Shoes sung once this year. You make my heart smile.



I

God is Enough

What do you say to a weeping mother who just hugged her 30 year old firstborn one last time before they zipped up the bag? Or to the sister who can't make sense of it all?

What do you say to the young mother who was just served with divorce papers, wondering how she is going to do all this with little ones? How can she keep a sense of normalcy in such chaos?

What do you say to the family who is sideways with each other because of years of unhealthy behaviors? Family who doesn't realize they have the choice to stop those behaviors?

What do you say to the recovering addict, 137 days clean, after years and years of drug dependence? Who is desperate to stay clean?

"GOD IS ENOUGH!"

He is enough to fill up the huge hole in the heart of a grieving momma and hurting sister. He is enough to be the arms to hold a betrayed heart until she falls asleep in peace. He is enough to encourage family to step up and do the right thing by choosing to do what He would do. He is definitely enough to be what feeds the hunger inside when our bodies cry out for what is not best for us.

Monday night at Bible study we were in Psalm 121. Such a comforting place to be in the midst of all the loss and destruction going on in lives right now.

1) I lift up my eyes to the hills, from where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth.

I've seen several different interpretations of this. Some think the hills held danger and uncertainty in the journey and the psalmist knew he was needing help from the Lord. Some think the hills represent the holy place of God and the writer has his eyes set on his Deliverer. I've even heard from a La Leche Leage friend that this verse is proof that David was a breastfed baby. Sorry. Couldn't resist.

I personally lean to the hills being full of danger and uncertainty. When my big kids were small we moved to Houston. This small town girl from west Texas was ready to conquer the big city. One day I decided to load the kids up and we were going to see downtown Houston. So excited. There were several things though that I didn't take into consideration:

1. Our car was old and if you slowed down or stopped and the air conditioner was running, the car would die.
2. East Texas is stupid hot. And stupid humid.

We took off and got downtown to all the super tall buildings and people everywhere. All of the sudden we spotted a McDonalds in a building with a parking garage. We thought that was the coolest thing. Wait 'til the folks back home heard about this! I was a tad bit afraid of the garage because it seemed like all the murders that happened on Magnum P.I. were in parking garages. I decided I wouldn't rob the kids of their excitement because of my phobias, so we pulled in and took the ticket, then noticed how much it was going to cost to park. I barely had enough for the meal so I found the exit and came out on a different street than we went in.

Where I was raised, you could see the lights at night of several different towns from the roof of my house. When you are in the big city with tall buildings all around you, you can't even find the sun to know what direction you are going. I was starting to get a little panicy because everytime I would come to a red light in my search for familiar, the car would die. I would turn off the air conditioner but it was so hot the kids were starting to get sick. I didn't want to roll the windows down because I had heard stories of the big city. Yes, panic is a good word for what I was feeling. I've always had a little bit of fear of being lost in the woods and that was what was creeping in. So I fully identify with the interpretation of seeing those hills and crying out for help.

I don't know about you, where you are, or what you are walking through; but I do know this: there is great comfort in knowing that my help comes from the One Who spoke this world into existence. THE ONE WHO SPOKE THIS WORLD INTO EXISTENCE! He listens when I talk to Him. He holds me when my heart hurts. He laughs when I laugh and He comforts me when I am afraid.

I sometimes write down my prayers. Monday morning my prayer was this: "Lord, You know the needs of the ones You send our way. Meet those needs Father. Use our hands, our words, our smiles, and our eyes to show them You." When I prayed that prayer, I didn't know how many people were going to need to see Him in such a short period of time.

He's really my only answer. I'm amazed at His "enoughness".

Defining Moments

I was in Mardel before Christmas and listened to a Kutless CD that was on the end of the aisle. Standing there with these big headphones on, I listened to this song and literally leaned my head over onto the rack and tears fell to the floor. I have to share these words that mean so much to me.

If You washed away my vanity
If You took away my words
If all my world was swept away
Would You be enough for me?
Would my beating heart still sing?

If I lost it all
Would my hands stay lifted
To the God who gives and takes away
If You take it all
This life You've given
Still my heart will sing to You

When my life is not what I expected
The plans I made have failed
When there's nothing left to steal me away
Will You be enough for me?
Will my broken heart still sing?

Even if You take it all away
You'll never let me go
Take it all away
But I still know
That I'm Yours
I'm still Yours
Oh, I'm Yours
I'm still Yours

This song sucked me back to a warm spring day outside of Tomball Texas in 1990. Five years before that day, my daddy suddenly went home to be with the Lord. Two years after he left, my best friend was killed in a car accident. Then, three years later I was taking a walk to have a little "alone" time. Back at the house my husband was sitting in a recliner. All 130 pounds of him. He'd dropped about 100 pounds because of chemotherapy. The doctors hadn't given us any hope. At all.

I was walking and praying and singing, just enjoying the beauty of the tall trees and the quiet of being in the woods. I remember this clearly, as if it was yesterday. I was praying out loud, only for God and the rabbits and one deer to hear when suddenly I stopped dead in my tracks. This realization came to me so strong that I said "Lord, I know that everything and everyone dear to me could be taken away and I would be okay. I would be okay because I have You." I said it out loud. You can ask the deer.

Then I laughed. I laughed even though I knew I was about to raise three children on my own. I laughed because it was a joy that changed my life. An altar I could go back to time and again, whenever I or someone else need to be reminded that He is faithful. So very faithful. It was a defining moment for me.

There's a young lady standing in a field. She prays out loud and thanks God for her past. For all the ugly things done to her for all her growing up years. A place she never thought she would come to. Giving thanks for something so awful. She even let the word "blessing" slip from her lips. This was defining moment for her.

Another young lady sits in a court room in another state listening to testimony of the horrendous crimes commited by a close family member. Keeping in touch with her through the process, I sense her faith growing. Not because his life might be spared, but because she feels the presence of the Lord over her every day. Pray that this will be a defining moment for her.

Another young lady approaches me Sunday after church. Her boyfriend was found dead the day before. The only thing her best friend knew to do to help her was bring her to church. I held her as she wept. I don't know if she even knows the Lord. As we walk her through these next weeks pray that He will become real to her. Pray that she'll come to the realization that no matter what is taken from you in this life, that Jesus is Faithful and True. He will never leave of forsake. Pray that she experiences a defining moment.

God, You amaze me.

No Burdens There

Tony and Genevieve started coming to the Cowboy Church about three years ago. Tony began attending the men’s bible study on Monday nights, loving the study and interaction between the men. He shared with us early on that he was battling cancer and knew he was getting closer to the end. Tony was in a lot of pain. He shared those things with Michael but didn’t let on to anyone the way he was feeling. Never complained. Ever. Most people didn’t even know he was sick.

He told Michael once that every Sunday morning when he would come into church, he would see the hat rack and leave his burdens there. As he passed the hat rack on the way out, he realized he didn't have to carry them back out the door. He left them with the Lord. Our first Sunday in the new building Michael made sure the hat rack was there so Tony would be able to continue to unload as he had the many months before.

The last several months Tony couldn’t come to church. He asked us to pray that he could have one more Monday night with the men. He got it. Thirty-something men showed up that night to hear what advice a dying man would give. Changed many of their lives.

A man in our church made a hat rack to go in the room where the men meet on Mondays. Tony left his hat there. He doesn’t need it anymore. There are no burdens in heaven.