Spanx Revisited

So I have lost a few pounds. Not many, just a few. I don't look any different or anything, but my jeans get really baggy after I've had them on for about an hour, so I thought I would get me another pair to start breaking in. I dropped Adam and Amber off at the airport on Saturday morning at 5:45 a.m, got a chicken bisquit at Chick-fil-a (yum!), slept about 45 minutes in the Chick-fil-a parking lot waiting for Hobby Lobby to open so I could pick up some silver chargers for Mom's table at the Ladies' Dinner. She called to say she found some so I headed down the road to Kohl's to find me a pair of jeans.

I don't love clothes shopping. Maybe in another 35 pounds I will love it, but now, not so much. So anyway, after many trips back and forth to the ladies' dressing room, I finally found the jeans. They were one size smaller. They weren't hard to button or zip, just fit a little more snug than my baggy ones. The only thing with them being a size smaller is that it makes the belly roll more obvious than it already is.

So this morning when I was getting dressed for church, I decided to dig into the unmentionable (and other odds and ends) drawer to find the spanx. I was going to give them another try. I shared a couple of years back about my first encounter with these modern day marvels, and it wasn't pretty. Haven't worn them since.

Today I knew I had to. With smaller britches on and a church that hugs a whole lot, if I didn't have them on the belly roll would be extra humiliating.

The rubber cement strips haven't worn off the bottom rim of the legs on these beauties, so I was extra careful as I pointed my toe to get my leg through the leg hole. There were two goals in this first step of the process: 1) to still be standing at the end, and 2) to do it cramp free.

Proud to report I was successful on both counts.

So I got them all on and in place, got my clothes on and admired myself in the mirror. The advertisement says they are supposed to "tuck the tummy, trim the waist and lift your rear into gear". I think they photoshopped that girl in the picture. My rear hasn't been in gear in years so there may need to be a little training involved to achieve the desired effect. Anyway, the belly roll wasn't horrible so I decided to see if I could pull this off.

I'm doing ok as long as I don't bend at the waist. I was going to pick up some of the trash after church and when I went to bend over one of my legs just naturally stuck out behind me. You know, kind of like a figure skater sticks out her leg with such grace. I was graceful, it just made me cough. That air had to go somewhere.

It's a little difficult to yawn and I feel my heart beat in my temples if I sit for an extended period of time. I keep feeling like I have to put my hands on top of my head so I can get a good breath. But I look great! Or at least better than without them. It's kind of strange how my brain processes things. I know I can't bend over well, but my brain, for whatever reason, is telling me my neck won't turn like it is supposed to either. Kind of like when my phone is dying in the car I don't drive as fast so I can save gas. I'm a strange person. When one thing is bound, others seem bound. I feel a Bible study coming on.

I'll spare you now because I need to stand up.

Really bad.